Should I stand my ground or not?

Dialectical Behaviour Therapy was developed by Marsha Linehan and has been around since the late 1980’s. I think I have always understood the basic tenets but will admit to feeling overwhelmed by the detail in integrating all of the skills in my sessions. In order to overcome my limitations in this area, I decided to enrol in an online course.

Much of what was discussed was familiar, and it was delightful to see how Marsha Linehan works in both the group and individual sessions. One aspect of Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills drew my attention, as it was not something I had been aware of in my previous readings. Marsha Linehan calls it ‘The Dime Game’.

This is the skill for resolving the dilemma of how strongly we should stand on any given issue – whether it is asking for something, or saying ‘no’. DBT asks us to consider 10 aspects of the situation to help us make the decision.

1. Capability (whether the people involved is capable of doing what is asked)

2. Priority (whether the relationship or the issue is more important)

3. Self-respect (whether doing is will fit with core values)

4. Rights (whether there are legal or moral considerations)

5. Authority (whether there is a power differential e.g. parent and child, employee and manager)

6. Relationship (whether the request is consistent with the type of relationship with the other person)

7. Goals (whether there will be long-term effects, and will they be positive)

8. Give and take (whether this is a relationship based on reciprocity)

9. Facts (whether we have all the information required for the discussion)

10. Timing (whether it needs to be done now, or wait for a better opportunity)

Some of these may be easier to decide than others. For example, we may think (point 6) that we have a very close relationship with a work colleague, but they do not see us in the same way.

Even so, I think the Dime Game will make it much easier for me to decide one way or the other. What do you think?