The shame blame game.

THE SHAME BLAME GAME

In her books (The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly) Brené Brown highlights the role of shame in our lives, and how it interferes with our attempts to be our ‘better selves’.

Shame is a noxious and unpleasant emotional experience, and our natural tendency when we feel shame is to disconnect from it. Now I understand the glazed look I would see on patients’ faces as I discussed their blood test results….

As clinicians, we can best support those whom we work with by normalising their struggle (“we all struggle…”), emphasizing ‘good enough’ and ‘striving for excellence’ instead of perfectionism, and focusing on their inherent strengths as a way of inciting hope and evoking efficacy.

Brief, helpful feedback involves commenting on what they are already doing well, asking them for one thing they think they could improve on, and then adding a ‘stretch’ that is consistent with their strengths. This feedback framework helps people feels safe discussing their problems, and makes shame and disconnection less likely.

Try it for yourself! What are you doing well? What is one thing you could improve on? What is something you could do that would be a ‘stretch’ and that is consistent with your strengths? If you think you would like to know more about shame and vulnerability, I highly recommend Brené Brown's books.